Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
