I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize