I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
