Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
