I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
