fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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