talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Someone signed my nipple.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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