Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
