so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize