FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
