hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the condom got lost in my hair
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
