textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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