As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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