We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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