SEEEEXXX PLEASE
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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