I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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