Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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