Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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