i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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