i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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