we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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