Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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