I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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