I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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