I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
