I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
