I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
