this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
