im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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