He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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