Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
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he quoted the bible to break up with me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am available for nakedness
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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