Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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