I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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