she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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