hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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