Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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