what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
