He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
These tits shall not be calmed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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