I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
