Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
