I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
