is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
