Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
