stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
