My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
