I cannot find my penis.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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