I bet he comes in French.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
