A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize