She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
