Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
