in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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