i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
