he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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