Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
