i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
