dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
