The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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