are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
