he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
