Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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