my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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