In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
