Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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