how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
