Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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