Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
