So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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