well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
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I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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