dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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