Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
