if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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