these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
