Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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