don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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