I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
