well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
